[A Very] Wordy Wednesday: Forever The Community Advocate, But Aren’t We All?
Most of you don’t know, but probably could easily guess, that at one time in my life (or past lives!:-), I was a Community Advocate.
For 13 years, on both a professional and volunteer basis, I worked with most every “at risk” population there is, advocating on their behalf. From the teen mother, to the homeless, to the abused, to those challenged by HIV/AIDS — I worked, fighting for those who could not fight for themselves.
Although I traded my community savior hat in some 10+ years ago, the inability to ignore injustice and/or wrongdoing still holds me. Never in my life have I been able to turn away when I’ve seen wrong being done. Never.
As you read yesterday, over the past 2 months I have personally been challenged by a situation occurring within this community. A situation that I did everything I knew to manage; a situation that I did everything I knew — as challenging as it was — to be respectful of the other person involved.
There were those who knew what was happening, that said nothing and opted not to get involved for fear that the person would turn attention on him and/or her.
In lieu of swift, zero tolerance type actions, that could have put this issue to rest a lot sooner, there was quiet, behind the scenes support offered to me. No one — other than me — addressed the inappropriate and personally violating behavior that was happening.
That is wrong. Dead wrong.
Hugo Alfredo Tale-Yax, a homeless man in Queens, NY recently died on the street after coming to the aid of a woman being attacked. As he laid on the street bleeding to death from stab wounds, some 25 people walked by — one even stopping to lift his body — and kept going. By the time medics arrived, some hour or more later, it was too late.
Explain to me how anybody could see a person suffering to this extent and not at the very least feel the responsibility to call the EMS or police?
Dorothy Height President of the NCNW, leader in the Civil Rights Movement and a LIFETIME community activist for the rights of ALL people, passed away last week at 98 years old.
Who will take Dorothy Height’s baton now? Who can fill the void her transition has left in not only the NCNW, but the black community as a whole?
Are we willing to do it or will we continue to look for the “somebody” who’s responsible for addressing wrong, fighting for the less fortunate and challenging the status quo?
Yes, I am a community advocate — always have been and always will be. I can accept that this is just who I am.
But do not think you bear no responsibility for standing with me. Do not think that you have no accountability for addressing injustice when you witness it. Don’t be upset when I am deemed “the leader” by default because no one else chooses to speak out other than me.
And make no mistake, this is NOT a black or white issue — it’s a community issue.
Big or small, virtual or real-world, black or white — where is our accountability to one another? Where is our accountability to community?
I think you know you can count on me to stand up for what’s right. You have my word that I will stand with you in the face of wrongdoing.
But will you do the same for me and others when the time comes and the situation warrants it?
That’s the question.
Luckie.
Once again you have nailed something accurately and laid things out as they are, for us to think and reflect. At the same time, you have still maintained respect for the person who was approaching you.
There are opportunities to grow and to learn from all situations and yours is no exception.
1) First there is the lesson for the one who ignored your requests for distance and no contact.
When a person asks for no further contact—respect that request. No tricks by trying to do “nice things” to force contact. No means no.
And this is a good time to reflect upon ourselves and our own behavior.
We must all realize that “no” does not mean “ok”,
“no” does not mean “maybe”, and
“no” does not mean “well, if I do something nice for you,
then…we can be friends again.”
2) There is the lesson for those who are friends of the victim. When we see someone for whom we care, on the receiving end of unwanted behavior, and if we also know the offending party, then we, as friends can also step up to address that offending party and suggest that they back off.
Sometimes offensive behavior takes place because it is private–between the offender and the victim.
But if others know about it, as friends we can/should protect the friend as well. Exposure or possible exposure has thwarted many an event.
3) There is the lesson also for the victim. Sometimes, it is a good thing to tell others. In this case you have done so. And you maintained respect at all times even to the one pursuing you. So telling others is always wise.
Hopefully we all grow and learn from your experience, and we all hope now that this has ended peacefully.
Thank you, Luckie for sharing the situation with us and making all of us think.
Angela makes a very good point in saying that it is wise to let others know when an online presence leads to your being harrassed or threatened. Contacting the authorities to start a paper trail and document the threat. Hope the situation has been resolved.
Toni
Angela — thank you for lending your insight to my comments & the issue that’s transpired. I don’t think you realize how valuable your diplomacy is to this community! However I offer 1 correction — I am many things but NEVER a victim. I was this person’s target/focus, certainly — but not victim, that word carries a sense of helplessness with it.
I chose to initially deal with the matter between the two of us because as reasonable adults, there was no need to pull the broader community into something that had NOTHING to do with genealogy.
Obviously, the people in my circle were aware of what was happening & when I thought the matter posed a threat to the community, I outreached others [as need be] to make them aware.
It was only after the actions continued & escalated in severity that I knew this was a matter that at the very least, authorities needed to be made aware of.
Toni — yes, when predatory action moves to that point you are correct, authorities need to contacted. But there are many actions that though inappropriate, are not illegal. And for the record, my comments are not exclusive to this particular issue.
This dynamic of “I’ll complain privately but won’t voice my opinion” OR “yes it’s wrong, but I’m just going to stay out of it”, happens frequently — both here & in the real world.
As I pointed out to a colleague, the strongest communities are those that are self-policed & provide a united front; communities that send a clear message that inappropriate behavior towards its members will not be tolerated.
We are great in the good times, but fall short when advocacy & mediation is needed. And that said, it leaves me to question if from a broader sense, it’s a community I can continue to stand behind & advocate for.
Thanks again ladies,
Luckie.
I saw the news video of that poor man lying on the street as people just walked by and it just sickened me! How could anyone in their right mind walk by and do nothing?!
If I witnessed someone in pain, physical or emotional you can bet that I would do my best to help in any way I could. (I am also a great emotional sounding board:-)
And it’s true, there is strength in numbers, but that shouldn’t stop you from doing the right thing when you are alone.
Have a great day!
Les
Another good post – and it is always good that we do some self-examination as a community for it makes us better and stronger.
I’ve posted about a proposed Code of Conduct for genealogy bloggers at GeneaBloggers http://www.geneabloggers.com/a-code-of-conduct/
I’ve been keeping abreast of the situation via my RSS feeds, and while I am late on commenting, I just wanted to let you know that you have my support, Luckie.
Luckie,
Once again, you have opened our eyes and minds to an issue that would seem a no-brainer; we all are responsible for our community, and should not tolerate disrespect of any person on any level. From both your post and Angela’s comment, the truths presented are lessons for a lifetime, and should never be forgotten.
I have taken inventory of myself and know that staying in my comfort zone is both selfish and irresponsible. Silence implies acceptance. Disrespect and other inappropriate behaviors are not acceptable and should not be tolerated by this genea-community, or any other community.
On a very personal note, I’d like to say to you, my dear friend Luckie, that I am sorry for your experience. What happened was wrong. I have said this to you privately, but I needed to say it to you here, publically and in your space because I am your friend.
I am sorry that I did not stand up- not for you, but with you, to say that it was wrong when it was happening; to say to that person that you should stop, you are wrong, and your behavior is inappropriate. That’s what a friend should have done, and I fell short in that role. I spoke against it to you privately, but did not speak out publically and I should have because disrespect on any level is wrong. To turn a blind eye, is just as bad, maybe worse. I am sorry. I needed to say this here to you publically, and in your space because I am your friend.
Love }}}
San
[...] Our Georgia Roots, Monday Madness: A Friendly Warning of Caution for the GeneaBlogger Community and [A Very] Wordy Wednesday: Forever the Community Advocate, But, Aren’t We All?- I am reminded that we are all responsible for speaking out against wrong when we see it in our [...]
Pingback by I Am My Sister’s Keeper ~ Lessons on Friendship and Community Responsibility » — 30 April 2010 @ 12:16 amHello Luckie,
I’m late to this conversation (and clueless to the particulars).
However, no one should be treated disrespectfully online or off; bottom line. Let the healing begin.
Peace,
“Guided by the Ancestors”
If anyone has ANY question of why I admire Sandra Taliaferro the way I do, all they need to do is read. My list of reasons just grew a MILE longer!
San – I love & appreciate you.
L.
Luckie,
I haven’t been blogging long but have been a follower of yours since I began. I am constantly amazed at your eloquence with words and ability the get us to think about things we might not be comfortable thinking about.
I read your original posting of this horrible experience and thought how unfortunate that this is happening to such a wonderful person. I do agree with the mindset of not being a bystander if we see something wrong going on. Then a fellow co-worker showed me a video of a dog saving another dog on a busy highway. If we ever see something being done to someone that is wrong and just turn away we should think of this dog putting his life on the line for a fellow being and feel ashamed that we aren’t doing the same thing. That video can be found at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m2qSakxWt54
Thank you for alerting the rest of us about this and really making us think about our responsibilities.
Stay strong,
Deborah Andrew